OH3 #349 - Back to the Stockyards/Cinco de Mayo Pub Crawl Hash

This here’s a story ‘bout a man named Jed…

(No, wait a sec, that’s not right.)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

(Hmm, no, that isn’t it either.)

Okay, so picture it, Sicily, 1942…

(Oh, for the love of – )

It was crisp and gorgeous, and we were wearing denim.

(Ooh, much better.)

We congregated in the Stockyard Plaza, and awaited the hares who would lead us on a merry chase through Little Tijuana. Having been instructed to dress in cowboy/cowgirl attire and/or dress for Cinco de Mayo, the little touches to the participants’ costumes made all the difference. Does This Mean it’s Over was stylin’ in his tight jeans and cowboy shirt. Thanks for the Mammaries was authentic in her chola eyebrow pencil and lip liner and Mexican flag bandana. I wore blue eyeshadow and turquoise jewelry. Master Beater made sure to inform us all repeatedly that he was wearing a shirt that had the word “Taco” on it.

The hares arrived. Sex Toy Story was absent, but Finger Wave was there with the “surprise guest hare from Mexico”, who was in fact Once Over Easy dressed in fishnets, a tight red dress, and a matching mariachi jacket and sombrero. It was so over the top that it was somehow believable that she has been lying about her ethnicity all along.

The hares were blessed and sent on their way. Then Deep Frodo arrived with his virgin, No Name Genie, and we went over the chalk talk again for her benefit. When a sufficient amount of time had elapsed, we began our jaunt through the HyVee parking lot, pointing out blobs of flour to the virgin, who was already racking up the violations by talking on her cell phone. We travelled for many long days and nights until we reached Donohue’s, about a block away. A block away. Really. Also, it’s an Irish pub. What happened to the theme? Sheesh.

The group rapidly drank their beers and watched the air force hashers sit stock-still with mostly-full cups. I thought the air force taught you how to drink, but apparently it teaches you how to cuddle with a beer until it turns warm and all your friends grow impatient. Finally, they finished and we pushed on-on. Well, most of us did.

Over the next few blocks, we made a few discoveries. We discovered that Tits Ahoy’s whistle sounds like a lonely falcon. We discovered that the police are THICK in that part of town. We also discovered that we no longer had Thanks for the Mammaries or Master Beater with us. *sigh.* We decided to press on without them and hope they’d catch up.

We came to a Hash Halt/Photo Op in front of some metal statues of cattle. We, being typical hashers, violated the cattle in various ways for the benefit of photography. The cattle exacted their revenge by ripping the pocket of my favorite jeans. Bastard metal cattle. *grumble.*

We pressed on, and managed to get lost and miss a turn. We spent a good 15 minutes or so correcting for this mistake, but eventually found trail again. We arrived at a bar that appeared to be called “Bar”. Therein we found some really friendly folks who shared chicken and funnel cakes with us. They also gave us wise advice since we were next going to be venturing into the Cinco de Mayo street fair – “put your wallets up under your titties so no one can get to ‘em unless you let them!” We accepted this sage suggestion, but I did not see any wallet-booby placement. Luckily, we did not pay for our arrogant disregard for their wisdom, since no one’s wallet was stolen.

The next leg of the journey brought us within the street fair. There was another Hash Halt marking, with a scrambly line that was to represent a funnel cake. It was a very good likeness, but they should have dusted some flour over it to represent powdered sugar, I think. Anyway, some people bought duros, some got cotton candy, and I bought a funnel cake since they didn’t have them at the Renaissance Festival I attended earlier in the day (no funnel cakes at a Ren Faire? Seriously? That’s simply unacceptable. But, I digress.)

After our various treats were purchased, we got lost in the street fair, following what we thought were hash marks, but which turned out to be powdered sugar from the funnel cake vendors. Once VW calibrated with Finger Wave via forbidden technology, we found our way back on the right trail. We then travelled a long stretch of road, and through some soccer fields where we found and played with a child’s bouncy ball in the dark, and eventually came to the end of trail, where Finger Wave and Once Over Easy were waiting with jello shots and chips with salsa and queso on the other side of a border crossing that contained a package check and a boob check. The chips were especially well liked by many people, and were the subject of much discussion.

Eventually, Finger Wave brought me and VW and Spring-Loaded Pussy back to where our cars were parked. VW and Spring piled into the front seat together, while I was all alone in the back seat. This is due to the fact that Spring and VW are incapable of being more than 4 inches apart for more than 40 seconds, and I happened to get in the car first.

VW and Spring headed (who said head?) back to ferry people to their cars, and I got into my car and drove home to put lidocaine on my feet and change my shoes from the instruments of torture that I had been wearing. Then I met the group at Winchester’s. The timing was ideal, as I had just enough time to put in my karaoke selection before we were heading to the beer garden to circle up.

The circle was a blast. Thanks for the Mammaries and Master Beater rejoined us, and Mammaries paid with a Deadbug and then a Towering Deadbug. Some of the Winchester’s regulars joined the circle and decided that they want to come on a hash in the future. We celebrated May birthdays and were reminded that Outdoor Fucking Season is now open – no license required! Much beer was consumed, and many songs were sung. We ended with the women’s version of Swing Low, and most of the group stayed for karaoke. When I left at 12:30ish, the group was still a respectable size and fun was continuing to be had.

So folks, thus ends another hash trash. Pictures and videos will be uploaded to http://www.nebraskahashing.com when Woody and I can find time to coordinate, but until then they will be made available on my Flickr Hash Set.

In Attendance:
Once Over Easy – hare
Finger Wave – hare
Flamboyatron
Tits Ahoy
Deep Frodo
No Name Genie – virgin
Virgin Whisperer
Spring-Loaded Pussy
Bush Beer on Tap
Does This Mean it’s Over
Thanks for the Mammaries
Master Beater
Hot Semen-tuh
Kitty Litter (for the on-in)



More pictures and videos from this trail can be found in my Flickr Hash Set.

Hash catch-up

So let's see. I co-hared in Lincoln for LNEH3 #192, which was a kilted hash



... and I attended OH3 #348, which was a going-away for some hashers


I also attended a slew of other hashes that it appears I haven't been cataloging here. Oopsie.

I'm still working on getting the pics up on the NebraskaHashing site, but technical difficulties are in the way.

In the meanwhile, pics and videos from the afore-mentioned hashes and many others can be found on my Flickr site.

Alas, I will not be able to make it for the Lincoln hash this weekend, as I will be out of town.

LNEH3 "Shiggy Everywhere" Hash #191 Recap

I've been drafted to write another recap, folks. First I'm the only one with a camera so the only pics with me in them are ones I took at Myspace angles with too much of my nostrils showing, and then to top it off, I get roped into writing the recap. Oh! I almost forgot! I also got talked into co-haring the next Lincoln hash with Bunzz! Why do I want to check my pockets to see if my wallet's been lifted, too?

But that's ok! Bush Beer on Tap can handle this! The pics are uploaded to http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicabragg/sets/72157616058591330/detail/ and I'm still a little caffeinated, and I still remember most of what occurred!

The time was 4:00 PM. The car was Penguin Pucker's. The wind was cold. The lot was relatively empty. The visitors were alone.

But eventually, people began to show up. Once Over Easy walked over from WalMart (we know what you're doooooooooing!) and Lager Head pulled up, and soon afterward we were joined by Chap Dick and Bunzz and Pi. We had a little beer and determined we were to be the whole group, so we began chalk talk. We realized that there were no virgins, so Once Over Easy cut the talk short and started to sprint away. Someone pointed out that she hadn't been blessed, so she ran back for a quick blessing. Of course, it was Lost in Pi giving the blessing, so it was still a tad bit lengthy.

After we finished what we could of our beers (and good beers they were!) and ate a few handfuls of Skittles (no one made skittlebrau, though this reporter admits that she did indeed consider it), the pack craniumed out in the direction we imagined to be correct. It turned out to be one of the few times we would find trail so easily. The trail zig-zagged up and down the same hill, over and under the same barbed wire fence (which bit me, damnit - thank the gods I am up to date on my tetanus shots) several times, and brought us to the first Beer Near. We consumed some alcohol, and ranged out to find the trail. Well, to try to find the trail. What did we actually find? No fewer than three YBFs. Our hare clearly has a mean streak.

Finally, Bunzz found trail, and several people observed a large, long, black tubular object in the distance, which appeared to be ribbed - possibly for her pleasure, but who knows? I would not want to meet the "her" that could have been pleased by something that large. A couple of hashers noted that it was probably a good place for a Beer Near, while I was noticing the fact that we were in the middle of what would have been a sea of mud had the weather been snowy and rainy as was forecasted earlier in the week. Truly, I thought, Once Over Easy has more malice than can be accounted for by her tiny, tiny size. When we reached the big tube thing, we saw that it was not a Bear Near, but it was indeed a Shot Stop. Everyone had a couple of Jell-O shots and we resumed our course. Or rather, we resumed running into YBFs, both marked and unmarked. Eventually, Bunzz found some itty bitty little OOE-sized footprints and we found trail.

On and on we went, through more of what would have been soul- and sole-sucking mud had the weather been as predicted, until we came to a pile of rocks and the last Beer Stop. We drank and sat and chatted, and eventually went on again.

We walked through some more would-be mud, and Chap Dick was asked for probably the 4th or 5th time what the crop had been. For the record, to prevent any further requests for this information, it was soy beans, probably planted late because the planters needed to put something in the ground for cover and didn't care what because they knew they wouldn't be likely to harvest it, and the plants only got to be about calf-high instead of hip- or waist-high the way they could have if someone cared for them. This was the information I heard Chap Dick patiently tell at least 4 people. Seriously, guys.

And here's where it gets truly surreal, folks. Guess who was doing the pathfinding for much of the trail. No really, guess. It was Lost in Pi. I'm serious. He found trail no fewer than 3 or 4 times, and didn't get separated from the group even once. You should have heard him chirping away on his whistle! He was so proud of his discoveries, like a child who's just discovered nose-picking!

So once more we crossed the damned barbed wire, and re-entered the parking lot where we started, and Once Over Easy was standing there with the beer from the first stop, ready to do the circle. Since Bunzz forgot to leave her the car keys, she was cold. Of course, after all the YBFs she left, there was very little sympathy for her.

The circle was run and the violations doled out. The visitors treated the Lincolnites to a drunken rendition of a song from the musical they had listened to in the car on the way to the hash (it was the Bad Horse Chorus from Dr. Horrible, in case anyone's curious.) We were reminded that April 23 is Penguin Pucker's birthday. Once Over Easy wore headgear in the circle. There were no canoodling violations, as No Name Thomas was unfortunately unable to join me for this hash.

After the circle was closed, we went to Buster's for some post-hash sustenance. We consumed large quantities of pizza and ribs, and stayed around for some karaoke. Penguin Pucker and Lost in Pi treated the bar to Amazing Grace, and Lager Head and myself each sang a few songs. The last song we stayed for was Sweet Caroline, since Once Over Easy said we were not permitted to leave until we sang it.

Goodbyes were said and hugs were exchanged, and this reporter craniumed back to Omaha with Penguin Pucker. We listened to the Natalie Portman Rap on the way back, and I am pretty sure I snorted while I laughed. I have nothing else to report, except that I had a wonderful, wonderful time!

OH3 #328 - Voted Off the Island Hash

Hold the Meat (Hash Flash) and Flamboyatron (Hash Scribe) were both in attendance, so there will be an official write up at this link, here. However, I did take a few pictures, and this particular Hash was a milestone event for me, so I am certainly blogging about it! Moreover, because this is not an official Hash Trash, I don't have to be snarky and sarcastic and witty, and can say what I really feel. Of course, what I really feel is generally snarky and sarcastic and witty, so we'll see how that goes. Yay!

This was my Virgin Hare. I co-hared with Penguin Pucker and Deep Frodo, and they were really great teammates. They were supportive and cooperative and easygoing and are both altogether awesome people that I am really glad to have as friends.

The co-founders of the Omaha chapter (Forrest Gimp and On Her Knees) showed up after a long hiatus, and without warning. This was extremely intimidating for me because it was my first time haring, but it was also a great honor. It was a good thing they were on hand to run the circle at the end, since almost all of the officers were indisposed for one reason or another by that time.

There was a naming - No Name Amber became Package Checker. She likes her name, even if a little less than half of the voting-eligible attendees hated it. I think it suits her just fine.

There was a named hasher in attendance who was completely true to her name when, without having ever been introduced to me before or conversing with me, and upon hearing that I was named on my first hash, she pointedly told her virgin right in front of me that "real hashers" get named on their sixth hash. I guess, then, I am not actually a "hasher through and through," regardless of what the song states - a song, incidentally, that we ended up singing 6 or 7 times in the circle since there were kids in the area and we were hard-pressed to think up PG songs to sing! We really need to beef up our song repertoire.

I want to apologize to the hash for not having more water in the bags. I actually added more than is usually in the bags, but apparently not enough to meet the need. As for the rest of the gripes... well, I received feedback that the trail was too long, that the trail could have been tougher (granted that was just a comment from the founders about the length of our trails compared to the trails in other hashes and it was a comment made before the hash began), that the trail was too shiggified, and that the trail was too pavement. I am just going to accept that I can't please all of the people all of the time, and call the experience a relative success. I did manage to stay under budget, and I consider that to be a major win and a testament to my Wonder Jew powers.

However, something that is not a win is the fact that I got pretty badly sunburned. I know that my sunburn is nothing compared to the ones most of the rest of the hashers get regularly, but I have always been really careful about sun exposure due to having had cancer and having gone through chemo. I did not use sunscreen yesterday though I brought it for everyone, and I recognize that I am a dumbass for that. I deserve all the discomfort, and the weird appearance of the tan line that shows with most of the clothing that I wear. Here's hoping that I don't suffer the lesson of melanoma as well.

Anyway, without further ado, I will give you the pics I snapped. Remember also that you can view the ones that Hold the Meat and other hashers have supplied when they are posted to http://members.cox.net/nebraskahash/oh3/oh3hashtrash.html, and you can view pics and videos I have taken from other hashes I've attended at http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicabragg/collections/72157605756416849/.
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Me and Forrest Gimp and On Her Knees (the co-founders of the Omaha Hash).

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Penguin Pucker (one of my co-hares).

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Deep Frodo (the other co-hare). He had to log in at work because he was on call. I think he decided that if he were going to be busted for technology on trail, he might as well go all out.

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The group is enjoying the A/C on a hot day.

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It wasn't exactly a theme hash, but I appreciate Thanks for the Mammaries' spirit in dressing in a tropical shirt.

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Our Hash Cash also seems to have gotten into the spirit. She done gone went and got lei'd.

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I think I interrupted the reunion between Flambo and Hold the Meat.

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Mammaries seems to have itchy feet and a desire to get moving.

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OH3 #327

Again, I am late with my write-up. I suck. I'll do a down-down for it or something.

#327 was Tico's Birthday Hash, and Dental DAMN!!'s naming hash (she was formerly No Name Amy), and I was only there from the circle on. I got some pics and videos, and they are all here. I don't have anything thoroughly brilliant to say (except wearing black jeans and a black linen shirt on a fucking hot day is a dumb idea), so I will just settle for linking you to the pics and videos.

News items:

1. I am haring this Saturday's hash. It will be my first hare. I am very excited. Check the calendar at http://www.nebraskahashing.com for details. I hope to see you there!

2. Flamboyatron is back! I will turn the trash-writing duties back over to him, and only fill in as needed if he is unavailable and asks me to do so. He'll be snarkier and funnier than I am anyway.

I still intend to take some pics and maybe write a few words every now and then, so check back if you're interested!

OH3 #326 - Red, White, and Blue Hash

Yeah, this is a little overdue. Sorry 'bout that.

We were asked to wear some combination of red, white and blue. Spring-loaded went all out with her outfit on a very hot day.


We chilled in the shade on the patio of the apartment beneath VW's. No name Jeff insisted that the apartment belonged to a close friend of his and that it would be okay. Who were we to argue?


It came time for the hashers to form up for the circle.

The group was composed largely of virgins...

Who were very soon singled out.


VW gave us the Chalk Talk. This would have been especially handy for the virgins if there had actually been a check at the start.


The hares were blessed and sent on their way.


Supergirl has the power of Juggling. Not only of many objects (as pictured below), but also of activities! She had to cut out early to go see her folks.


After the trail, and the circle, and the violations, and the viewing of Beerfest in the Thomasville movie theater, and the crock pot hot dogs, and the popcorn, and the smoking in non-smoking areas, and the spillage of beer, and Amber grabbing everyone's crotch and/or breasts in the swimming pool... those who remained enjoyed some beers and acoustic guitar playing on VW's balcony. It was a lovely night.

Urine Sodomy had a great time, as you can see below.

Bloodsucker Hash

I am covered in mosquito bites. I propose a renaming for yesterday's hash. I'm torn between "OH3 #325 Malaria Hash" and "OH3 #325 West Nile Hash". Here's a pic of just one affected area:



Meh, I'll live. I'll be itchy as fuck, but I'll live.