It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in Lincoln, Nebraska. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the temperature was warm but not unpleasant. As hashers began arriving, so too was the area graced repeatedly by the presence of an actual rabbit.
This hash was held in honor of a number of birthdays in the same week or so. The hares for this event were two of the birthday honorees, Moutha Stewart and Lost in Pi.
Attendees lined up to pay Weekend Hooker, who used the advanced accounting method of writing their names on a sheet of notebook paper. A couple of people were able to convince the Interim Hash Cash that they were already paid up, and perhaps even were owed money by the books. It is unknown whether this was legitimate paperless accounting, or a really slick maneuver that should be attempted by this reporter on later occasions.
After a bit of meet and greet...
Lost in Pi began the Chalk Talk. Pi's markings ended up being upside-down from the perspective of those standing in the shady area (everyone), which was somehow entirely appropriate since Lost in Pi was indeed the one explaining the marks. The group members adjusted and mentally prepared themselves to follow a trail in search of the last mark, which would be the "NINO."
After Chalk Talk, the hares were blessed and sent on their way.
The hares split in different directions right in front of the group.
After a strange bit of trail with markings that made no sense (a YBF where the true trail could be found several yards beyond?) and a couple of purchases from an ice cream truck by Once Over Easy and Bush Beer on Tap, the pack picked up the scent. Finally, they found the first beer check.
The group traveled on, through some bushes, into a residential area where Pussy Control (formerly known as Cock Controller) shut off someone's hose that had clearly been running for entirely too long, and along some train tracks and down a path that was flooded (on which there was at one time a sign stating that the path was closed - a sign which mysteriously made its way to the On In later that day, in fact). The trail went past a mysterious brick building, the purpose of which was the subject of a great deal of conjecture. There was then a Scenic View, which turned out mainly to be a view of Pussy Control's nipples...
...which were "Special Touched" by a number of female hashers.
The pack continued on, somehow missing an entire beer check somewhere along the way. It wasn't that big a deal, except apparently for Mini Moon Pi, who was dismayed to find that there was no dumping allowed at the third beer check.
The hares were sort-of-snared when they arrived at the third beer check while the pack was still there and everyone touched them. It didn't really much matter however, since they seemed to expect everyone to Zen back to Moutha Stewart's place from that beer check anyway - or at least that was the impression given by the lack of marks between there and the On In. However, on the Zen trip back, territory was re-covered from earlier in the trail, and it was noted by many that marks that hadn't been there previously but would have helped immensely had appeared in the interim.
Once the group returned, the circle was called together and there were violations and announcements. The Dead Bug that Pi and Moutha SHOULD have endured somehow never happened, but that may have been because people were distracted by other events, like birthdays and a renaming.
Once Over Easy led the group in the making of a cake for the birthday celebrants. She liberally sprinkled them with Funfetti cake mix...
...added oil...
...and water...
...and an egg...
...and candles. However, much to the disappointment of some, no one got baked.
Since Mini Moon Pi couldn't take a dump on trail, he decided to pee in the driveway.*
The group collaborated on the choosing of a new name for Cock Controller. After a very long question and answer period, several names were suggested and discarded, and the group nearly unanimously decided that Pussy Control would be the new name. Since PC was being "reborn", Funfetti cake mix was used in place of flour for the renaming ceremony.
After the circle was over, there was a very tasty barbecue meal, a cake with a foot made out of icing on it, and lots of beer and camaraderie. Bronzz Bunzz made some haberdashery sales and Whack-A-Mole (another birthday boy) showed up with some excuse for missing the hash about "delivering a kennel" (euphemism, certainly), and stuck around for the rest of the evening. Folks stayed late into the night chatting about this and that, and Bush Beer on Tap was conned into writing the Hash Trash. Then some folks adjourned to Bronzz Bunzz and Pi's place for some hot tubbin', where Bunzz sold a few more articles of clothing to those wishing to have dry clothes to change back into, which is a very brilliant sales tactic.
In this reporter's opinion, the hash was an incredible success. The only regrettable part was that there were no virgins to experience the awesome vibes and fun times.
Well done, hares! Happy birthday to Moutha Stewart, Lost in Pi, Urine Sodomy, and Whack-A-Mole. Happy renaming to Pussy Control.
* Mini Moon Pi did not actually urinate on the driveway.
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