Tales From the Tap

Coming soon - OH3 #384 "Magic Hour" Photography Hash

2010-08-01T20:34:00.002-05:00

Saturday, August 7, 2010 6:00p-10:30p

OH3 #384 "Magic Hour" Photography Hash
Bush Beer on Tap and No Name Joe (virgin hare!)

Where: Maloney's Irish Pub, 1830 72nd St (just south of Blondo)

When: 6:00 PM (this is an evening hash - bring a flashlight!)

How much: $7, virgins free.

What: This is a photographic scavenger hunt hash. Bring your digital camera and earn points by taking and appearing in photos. Prizes will be awarded!

More information and a list of the ways of earning points can be found at:
http://www.myotherdrive.com/dyn/file/612.490321.01082010.71732.6a64fi/photo+scavenger+hunt+final.xlsx
(this is an excel file that you will have to open to view. Printed copies will be distributed at the start of the hash.)

There will be an on-after with food and snacks. Please feel free to bring beverages!

Please note: if your digital camera uses something other than SD or MMC cards for storage, make sure you bring some means of moving the images from your camera to my computer for judging.

I hope to see you all there!

On-On!

BBOT

P.S. For those who don't know, No Name Joe is Pinche Pinocha's brother. He's got the cojones to co-hare before he's even NAMED. NOW don't you wanna be there?

OH3 #380 - Louisville

2010-06-19T19:36:00.005-05:00

A stone's throw from the Platte River on Hwy 50, lies the bustling metropolis of Louisville, Nebraska. The center of commerce within Louisville is Main street, which features tens of businesses, including a locally owned soft-serve ice cream kiosk called the "Dari Creme". It was to the Good Times Bar that we headed, in order to meet with our fellow hashers, and enjoy some pre-trail beer.

...And beer was enjoyed! Chalk Talk then commenced. Woody Wouldn't Pecker introduced the hare for the day's trail, and .Cum explained the markings that we would be seeing. Most were the typical markings you would expect, but there was the addition of an N inside a circle, which was to represent the "Naughty check." A hasher, upon reaching this check, was to stand there and bend over and wait for another hasher to give her a whack on the backside so she could step off the check. (The final person in line is expected to whack himself off, of course.) .Cum also admitted that he had done no scouting, and would be winging it for this trail.

Woody blessed the hare and sent him on his way, and the pack returned to the beer garden to drink more beer. Mile-High Motherfucker had another Jack&Coke as he is wont to do, but since they don't have a Jack&Coke garden, we shared the beer garden with him.

Once the beverages had been finished and our internal hash clocks told us that it had been more or less 15 minutes, we struck out in search of the first markings. The markings led us to the Naughty check, right in front of the bar, where presumably-tough people had parked their motorcycles.

As the pack got into finding trail, I began chatting with the only virgin in attendance, No Name Megan. Clearly a brave person, she had decided to find us based on a recommendation from a friend in another state who was a hasher. She did some research online and found us, and brought herself out to the middle of nowhere to hang out with a group of strangers, without a sponsor. Since I did the same thing for my first hash, she earned a special place in my heart, so I began briefing her on the hashing traditions so that she could avoid some of the newbie pitfalls.

The trail was almost entirely shiggy-free, and after only a little initial meandering through a residential area and over some train tracks (where a fantastic picture was taken of Marvin GayPal, Mile-High Motherfucker and Woody Wouldn't Pecker getting pelvic with a "No Humping" sign - I want a copy!!) it pretty much went North toward and over the Platte river. We crossed the bridge over the very full river, which churned brownly beneath us. Many dead things lay before us on this road. There were at least two squished snakes, a non-squished but clearly expired goldfinch, an undamaged but supine dragonfly, and both of the feet of what was probably a turkey. Other items found on trail included a condom wrapper, some munched carpet, a bicycle wrench, and many assorted items which were too cumbersome to carry with us for the sake of a joke.

On the North side of the river, we stopped at a bar with a lot of outdoor seating in a prettily shaded riverside area. The owners had a very friendly German shepherd romping around, and many hashers played fetch with him, much to his delight. Marvin GayPal left his prescription sunglasses in the bathroom accidentally, and they were gone a few minutes later when he went back in to find them. (I hope the prescription is only slightly off for the thieving bastard, so he'll get migraines.) After we'd had our fill of beer and fetch, we set back out on a trail which essentially Zen'd back to the Good Times Bar. Marvin GayPal was a few minutes behind us because he did one more sweep to look for his glasses and left his number with the bartender in case they showed up.

Back on Main street, 50 feet from the door of the bar, was another Naughty check. Thinking that MGP wouldn't be that far behind, I waited there. Then I waited, and waited... and waited. Remember that "Dari Creme" I told you about? MGP had decided to saunter over there and get a cone. He eventually showed up with his ice cream cone, smacked my ass and then his own, and we went into the bar. After I had glared at him for a little while, he went back and got me an ice cream cone too.

Once MGP returned, we circled up. We introduced ourselves, gave penalties to backsliders, fully welcomed our virgin, and opened the floor up for violations. People drank copious amounts of beer, Jailbait had to do a dead bug, and announcements were made about the upcoming campout/tubing trip August 27-29th in Ashland.

After circle was closed and we sang a few versions of Swing Low, .Cum led the group in serenading No Name Megan with the hasher version of Alouette. She was absolutely adorable and a great sport, and I look forward to her hashing again and again with us. I am pretty sure she'll come back.

MGP and I left at this point, but most, if not all, of the rest of the hashers were talking about going to hang out at Woody and Jailbait's campsite at Louisville State Recreation Area, so any further hi-jinks will have to be reported by one of them.

In attendance were:

.Cum
Spawn of Satan
Jailbait
Woody Wouldn't Pecker
Sex Toy Story
Mile-High Motherfucker
Marvin GayPal
Bush Beer on Tap
Hand Solo
No Name Megan

June 5 Trail recap from BBOT's perspective

2010-06-08T20:04:00.004-05:00

OH3 #379

The trail from my perspective was essentially:

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck, hey, a Brewsky's."

Hand Solo always lays brutal trails. I know this. I have been under the weather for the past couple of weeks, and was therefore starting out in much-less-than-top-form. I know this, too. So why did I elect to participate in the June 5 hash? Because I am a hasher, goddamnit.

Also, because I was just elected RA, and I wanted to get that particular cherry-popping over with.

So I went, and I suffered.

The long and the short of it is that I finally crested a really, really steep hill which kicked my ass (and the asses of everyone else in the pack, but they recovered much more quickly). At several points on the hill, wheezing and whining and cursing silently because I didn't have the breath to do it audibly, I got light-headed and almost tipped backwards, which would have resulted in a long fall and possible impalement on deadfall sticking out at sharp angles. Upon reaching the top and collapsing on the pavement at the side of a major street, I contemplated the choices in my life that led me there, and began doubting my decision-making skills.

Once I had enough breath back to resume movement, I crossed the street and followed the pack through a parking lot. Off in the distance, I saw some packmembers climbing another steep hill. "Awww, hell no," I said. I looked to my left, and 20 yards away was a Brewsky's, glinting in the sun. A choir of angels was singing and blowing trumpets. Out of the side of my mouth I requested of one of my packmates that they send someone back for me once they reached the end of the trail. I didn't wait to find out if I was heard, but I assume so, because they did send someone back for me.

Later I found out that the hill I'd seen was actually a false trail, and had I continued on, I would not have had to climb it because they would have determined its falseness by the time I caught up. I did, however, miss the necessity of wading waist-deep through a creek some distance past it. Of course, I drank for my short-cutting infraction later, but the ability to forgo potential parasite infestation more than makes up for that.

Upon my arrival at the on-in, I officiated at my first official circle, and from all accounts I did a passable job. Then we adjourned to join up again later at the Jolleys', and there was hot-tubbing and pizza and camaraderie.

In the final analysis, I'm glad I went to the hash. However, I am also very glad I decided to recognize my limitations and have a refreshing iced tea instead of a disgusting trip through a creek. My faith in my decision-making skills is now restored.

On-on!

Bush Beer on Tap

Omaha H3 Mismanagement

2010-05-30T16:56:00.003-05:00

The new Mismanagement team for the Omaha Hash House Harriers has been elected!

GM: Whack A Mole

Co-RA’s: Woody Wouldn’t Pecker and Bush Beer On Tap

Hash Cash: Jailbait

Hare Raiser: Finger Wave

OH3 #374 - Marvin GayPal's Solo Debut!

2010-04-03T21:41:00.006-05:00

Today was Mini Moon Pi and Big Trouble in Little Vagina's wedding in Lincoln, which was to be attended by a number of Omaha hashers. As a result, Marvin GayPal thought that only a few people might show up for his Solo Haring Debut...

...But boy, was he wrong!

The day was clear and windy, and the temperature was perfect. Chalco Hills Recreation Area is a pleasant park where lots of people jog and fish. Today there were also quite a few people drinking and singing.

The hash began when Bush Beer on Tap welcomed everyone to Omaha Hash House Harriers Hash #374. The group cheered, "On on!"

Marvin GayPal introduced himself and then acquainted everyone with his marks. He advised that, because the trail was so shiggiful, there would be no flour used. He also explained that he would be marking all the beer checks with red fabric. He reintroduced the Pi Check and the Riddle Check, as well.

Visiting Religious Advisor, Lost in Pi blessed the hare, and MGP was off, shouting "15 and 3!" over his shoulder.

Fifteen minutes to kill, and no beer? (The hashers knew better than to flout the no-alcohol policy of the park, at least so close to the main building.) Introductions were made, and time was killed with several verses of "I used to work in Chicago" and "The days of the week." During this spectacle, the virgins stood uncomfortably and considered getting back in their cars.

Soon enough, however, the group ranged out to try to find the first piece of shiggy. No Name Merinda spied a far away piece, and for the very most brief of moments, Bush Beer on Tap was an FRB while she went to check it out. Then everyone regrouped and began the trek!

The pack very quickly spread out, with Hand Solo and No Name Bil strongly in the lead. It ranged up a hill and along a ridgeline for some, and directly across a soccer field to a convergence point for others. The important thing is that the pack was reunited at the first beer check, and refreshment was had by all. There was one teetotalling virgin, and another virgin with a wheat allergy who couldn't drink regular beer, but advance-planning allowed for everyone to enjoy a beverage!

The FRBs were champing at the bit before long, so the hashers went back out on trail. It was quite a trail. There were hills. There was shiggy. Then, thankfully, there was more beer.

After that beer was dutifully consumed, the hashers ranged out again. They were all over the place. They separated out into small groups and went every which way. They coalesced once again for the first riddle check (or possibly the second. It is unknown, because the pack missed the other riddle check at some point). The riddle actually turned out to be a Nebraska trivia question, and it was answered correctly by No Name Merinda. The question was:

What beverage was invented in Hastings, Nebraska?

The answer is, of course, Kool-aid. The prize for the correct answer was that the pack got to enjoy some refreshing Kool-aid which was hidden nearby. There was initially some grumbling because the Kool-aid was not spiked with something stronger, but eventually all agreed that it was nice to have an additional refreshing drink stop, after all.

The group struck back out and again separated into clusters along a great deal of terrain. No Name Ashton and Lost in Pi disappeared, much to the chagrin of the rest of the pack when they reached the Pi Check and there was no Pi! As it turns out, Pi and No Name Ashton decided to auto-wank the rest of the trail, and therefore Pi was able to surprise the group by arriving from an entirely different direction than the one being anxiously watched. Once the group was back together (minus No Name Ashton) they progressed onward until they reached the third and final beer check. No Name Merinda was left behind at some point before that. Bush Beer on Tap was mortified that she had left her virgin unaccounted for, but was gratified when NNMerinda showed up a moment later, in true hasher style, carrying baseballs she had stopped to collect along the way. Not only that, but as NNMerinda came up the hill toward the group, she also breathlessly called BBOT out for saying "head."

Meanwhile, apart from the group, while retrieving the car with the rest of the beer in it, Marvin GayPal ran into No Name Ashton and they each drove their cars to the parking lot which was closer to the point B where the circle would be. MGP instructed Ashton as to where he could meet the rest of the pack. MGP got back to the area he had designated for the circle with the heavy cooler just in time to see the FRBs cresting the hill. The timing was ideal. Shortly after BBOT finally hauled her sorry ass into circle, No Name Ashton reappeared and chastised MGP for neglecting to tell him that he would have to cross a creek to get there from the lot, especially since his prosthetic foot had gotten stuck in the mud and he'd had to take it off to get out!

Bush Beer on Tap called the circle to order. There were violations, there were songs, and there was a spontaneous naming! On his third hash, No Name Josh earned his hash name. From this day forward, in hashes around the world, No Name Josh will henceforth be known as "Stuck Hard"!

After circle was closed and people meandered back to their vehicles, most of the participants met back up at Buffalo Wild Wings, where food was enjoyed.

In attendance were:
Marvin GayPal - hare, Omaha
Bush Beer on Tap - ersatz officiate, Omaha
Lager Head - visitor, Lincoln
Lost in Pi - visiting RA, Lincoln
Bronzz Bunzz - visitor, Lincoln
Hand Solo - Omaha
Dot Cum - Omaha
Spawn of Satan - Omaha
No name Ashton - Omaha
No Name EJ - virgin, Omaha
No Name Laura - virgin, Omaha
No Name CJ - virgin, Omaha
No Name Merinda - virgin, Omaha
No Name Bil - virgin, Omaha
Stuck Hard - formerly No Name Josh, Omaha

Photos are available in BBOTs hashing flickr collection.

OH3 #364 Details

2009-11-21T09:38:00.001-06:00

Saturday, November 21, 2009
2:00p
OH3 #364
Hare: Bush Beer on Tap

Time: 2:00 PM SHT (1400)

Location: Northwest corner of the parking lot of the Wal-Mart on 72nd street and Pine

1606 S 72ND St
Omaha, NE 68124-1600

Cost: $7.00 virgins free

Trail: Outdoors. Dress for a cool day. High of 55 low of 45, partly cloudy. The on-in will be warm.

Suspicious White Powder

2009-11-20T20:04:00.005-06:00

There was a scare in West Palm Beach, Florida involving "suspicious white powder". HazMat teams were called to test 20-someodd piles of what turned out to be, of course, wheat flour. This is the story:

http://www.cbs12.com/news/suspicious-4722134-west-block.html

It occurred to me that it was important to open up lines of communication with local authorities to prevent a similar event here in Omaha.

After much redirection and misdirection, I finally tracked down the public affairs officer for the Omaha Police Department. I spoke with her about who we are, what we do, and about how I'd like to establish a procedure for communication with the police department for all future Omaha trails. The officer was very receptive and understanding, and gave me her email address. For the time being, until I get permission to post it on the site, we will just make sure each hare has the address prior to their trail. If we get the go-ahead, we'll publish it to the Yahoo group or on the Nebraska Hashing site in the hare instructions, or both.

So basically, I just emailed her the time and location of the trail, giving the streets that are boundaries of the area encompassing the trail. I gave her my cell number and my full name. She will make sure that the precinct(s) involved have the information available in case there are any calls reporting suspicious activities.

In addition, I took a precaution suggested by Pondscum that really makes sense. For $1.99 I bought a squeeze bottle of powdered blue stuff called Carpenters Chalk. I got it at a hardware store. I mixed it into my bags of flour and made a pretty light blue colored marking powder mixture. The color will make people a little less likely to get freaked out about "suspicious white powder". In addition, the squeeze bottle can be filled back up with the light blue flour/chalk mixture and used to dispense a controlled amount of flour on trail. A note for nighttime trails - Once Over Easy mixes a little glitter into her powder, and it reflects flashlight beams nicely.

BBOT

Red Dress Recap

2009-10-07T02:49:00.011-05:00

I had been looking forward to the weekend of September 25th for months. I was the 3rd person to hand my money to Once Over Easy way back when she opened up registration. The events scheduled were to be a Pay-as-you-go Commando Kilt Pub Crawl on Friday night (LNEH3 #203), then the Red Dress Run on Saturday (LNEH3 #204), and then the Hangover Hash on Sunday morning (LNEH3 #205).

LNEH3 #203

I joined the Friday night Kilt hash, already in progress, while they were stopped at the Zoo bar. One of the first sights I was treated to was that of 2X4 in one of the tallest pairs of platform heels I have ever actually seen on a person, and a very tiny kilt. Gradually I worked my way through the crowd and saw many people I had not seen in many hashes, some I had not seen since last year's Red Dress Run, and I met a few new people. Lots of hugs were exchanged, and introductions made, and beer was poured. I was treated to beer by Tent Erectile Dysfunction and UPMS. Both of them are stand-up guys.

Eventually, after we had so sufficiently drained the bar of its cool that we were far cooler than it, we moved on to the next location. This was on O street off 14th and I cannot for the life of me remember the name, but it was a few doors around the corner from places where gyros and falafel could be had, and Marvin GayPal and I parted from the group in pursuit of those things, because I had been thinking about them since the day before. We rejoined the group with garlicky breath, and entered to find enormous fishbowls of red and blue alcohol being served to frat boys. One of them even had a popped collar. I swear! This time, Extenze For Menz was kind enough to provide me with beer.

Now, by this time, I had had a few beers, and time was no longer behaving in a precise linear manner, or at least it seems that way upon recollection. Basically what I am getting at is that I can't remember the exact order of events after this. I suppose if I remembered Lincoln geography better I would be better able to reconstruct events, but I don't, so I can't. Cope. So next we either came to the bar with the cover or the porn store. I think it was the bar, so I'm going to tell it that way.

We moved along and decided not to stop at the bar that had a cover charge. Instead, we went next door to The Watering Hole, which is actually a nifty little place with really good prices. I'm told they also have tasty wings. I waited on line for a pitcher for a minute or so, and then asked MGP to do it for me because I had to go pee. In the bathroom, I was treated to a show because one of the stalls did not have a door. Fun!

After we left the Watering Hole, we walked through a spattering of rain until we reached Ye Olde Porne Shoppe, which has lately become a staple of any trail in downtown Lincoln. The really cool clerk who was so enamored of us when we were there during the Monica Lewinsky Blue Dress Hash had to leave, so instead we were subjected to a surly man who was entirely reminiscent of Dante from Clerks - "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" He grumbled as we browsed, and stormed around closing doors and putting things down with great vigor. MGP and I decided it would be infinitely more enjoyable to go smooch in a doorway rather than be there. Finally, we went on and ended up at the On-In (don't ask me the name of the bar, for I have forgotten).

During the circle, those being called in for violations were instructed to sit their commando asses on bags of ice on a bench. MGP and I did not get busted for canoodling. Ha! I don't know what people actually did get busted for, however, because it was cold and drizzly, and like I said, I was getting tipsy.

We made it back to the hotel, where leftover food was waiting. Many of us played a few hands of Apples to Apples, though a little bird says that someone's hand was playing with something else entirely. (Don't do it in public if you don't want it blabbed!) Gradually, people stumbled off to their beds or someone else's, and presumably to sleep.

LNEH3 #204

Saturday was a gorgeous day. MGP and I got up and scarfed our continental breakfast, and then made our way in search of a Kinkos (leaving behind a hotel full of kinkos) so that I could run off a couple hundred copies of my FAQ for distribution to curious bystanders. Then we got back and settled in to watch the accumulation of red-dressed hashers. I helped Lager Head select just the right gown. Several of us watched Little Head put deodorant on his ballular area. I'm not sure if it was meant to prevent chafing or to prevent odor, but if it was the latter, I am glad he was thoughtful enough to do that!

We milled around until we were bored, and then loaded ourselves into the vans that would be carrying us to our start location, which was Haymarket Park. There was a smattering of tailgaters in that parking lot, and we were the subject of their interest and photography. Tent Erectile Dysfunction decided to ignore the immediate proximity of actual bathrooms, and opted instead to urinate publicly inside a dumpster. An ice cream truck came by and one of the ladies inside asked if she could have a picture taken with some of the men in dresses.

We gathered for Chalk Talk and blessed our hares and sent them on their way. Then we had introductions and a rousing rendition of Father Abraham, led by Woody Wouldn't Pecker. There was a last minute shuffle to bathrooms, and then we were On-On our way!

We traveled through and past some parties in some yards and parking lots, and stopped to collect money for the American Cancer Society. VH1 developed her strategy of coyly asking men if they wanted to put something in her slot, and MGP developed his strategy of threatening to show them his adult male ass if they didn't donate. 2X4 just walked around being tall and freakish in his slinky short dress, and the donations came pouring in.

Our first beer stop was in the driveway and on the lawn of a very interesting house that was bedecked with a lot of decoration, including statues of large animals for us to climb on and pose for pictures. The owners of the house were an older couple who looked overwhelmed by and a little scared of us. It was at this stop, as I observed the faces of some frat boys driving past us, when I truly, fully realized something I had been sort of noticing the whole time. A large percentage of the people with whom we interacted were simply tickled by the spectacle. However, a significant number, maybe 25%, were seemingly outraged that these men in dresses were parading around in their town. It entertained me to no end when this became apparent to me. I wished I were a man so I could increase the threat to their heterosexuality.

We pressed on, and soon the collectors of donations were too clustered and were trying to work on the same people over and over again. Eventually, the neighborhood led to a stream and a bridge. Some of us shortcutted by stepping on some rocks in the stream, while others went the long way around on the bridge. Skunk Chaser split the difference and went down to the stream but stayed on the near side. He turned out to be right, because we all had to cross back over a different bridge and we ended up right where he was. Then the group really split for the first time, and some very experienced hashers were suckered into a Backcheck 10 while the rest guessed and found the correct path. We got ourselves situated on the right course and eventually happened upon a parking garage with an elevator that would bring us to the top floor. Hashers, being who they are, jumped and shook the elevator and tested its weight tolerance. Luckily, we did not break the elevator. We made it up to the roof and found the beerwagons. Bronzz Bunzz was also giving away jello shots, of which I had several.

It starts to get hazy after that. I know we went by the stadium. I know we went to the Zoo bar again. I know that some lady gave us all these inflatable noise-making bopper things. I know we went to an outdoor beer garden, and MGP got on the microphone to tell people we were collecting for the American Cancer Society. Beyond that, the rest is conjecture.

We eventually got back to the start point and got bussed back to the hotel. Those who had tickets to the game went to it. 2X4 didn't have time to change and so he attended the game in his dress and stockings. He was up on the Jumbotron, and even made it into a news article. The rest of us ate barbecue ribs and chilled for a while. Then we had the circle by, around, and in, the pool. No Name Wade and Tank Stripper were thrown in the pool, and MGP opted to fall in with a cup of beer. As penance for the waste of alcohol, he drank the cup of pool water. Ew. Srsly. There was a random dude sitting by the pool, but he was a good sport and did a couple of down downs. Hey, free beer, right?

That night, many of the hashers went to the bar across the parking lot to do karaoke. I opted out, so I have no stories to tell about that.

LNEH3 #205

Sunday morning, we sat, bleary-eyed and nursing our coffees. Bunzz hustled about briskly, in her usual way. Then she went off to lay trail. The rest of us followed her and found the trail leading around the hotel and back inside the same door. We had our circle sitting down, and named a hasher. No Name Mark, the owner of many tools, the boyfriend/husband/whatever of 2 Years Fucking, is now and will forever more be known as Drill Bitch! I came up with the name, so I'm pretty proud of that. He wanted a name he could tell his kids about, but we told him he was a hasher and to stop being a pussy. If he really wants to, he can clean it up to be Drill Bits, I suppose (pussy).

Bunzz called a vote to see who wanted to do the Red Dress in Lincoln next year. She offered those of us prepared to put cash in her hand immediately an early bird discounted rate.

Hugs were exchanged and rooms were checked out of. Shampoo and Conditioner were stolen from a housekeeping cart. We went our separate ways.

Stats

The count for funds raised on Saturday was $969.69 (yes, someone donated a few cents to get it to that) and by Sunday we were over $1000 raised.

According to Once Over Easy, this is the list of attendees:

2x4 - Bisbee, Arizona
2 Yrs Fucking - Omaha, Nebraska
Blow My Toes - Grand Island, Nebraska
Bronzz Bunzz - Lincoln, Nebraska
Bush Beer On Tap - Omaha, Nebraska
Chihuahua - Kansas City, Kansas
Chocolate Creampie - Omaha, Nebraska
Deep Frodo - Omaha, Nebraska
Draggin' Her Nookie - Lincoln, Nebraska
Extenze For Menz - Kansas City, Kansas
Fast Chug - Kansas City, Kansas
Finger Wave - Omaha, Nebraska
Fuck My Mom - Kansas City, Kansas
Hold The Meat - San Antonio, Texas
Hose Puller - Lincoln, Nebraska
Hot Sement - Omaha, Nebraska
Jailbait - Omaha, Nebraska
Kitty Litter - Omaha, Nebraska
Lager Head - Lincoln, Nebraska
Little Head aka Shut Yer Manhole - Denver, Colorado
Lost In Pi - Lincoln, Nebraska
Marvin GayPal - Omaha, Nebraska
Mile High Mother Fucker - Omaha, Nebraska
No Blow - Lincoln, Nebraska
Just Kate
Just Liz - Sioux Falls, Iowa
Drill Bitch - Omaha, Nebraska
Just Wade - Manhattan (Ft Riley), Kansas
Just Tyler - Lincoln, Nebraska
Once Over Easy - Lincoln, Nebraska
Package Checker - San Antonio, Texas
Penguin Pucker - Omaha, Nebraska
Pinche Pinocha - Omaha, Nebraska
Services Retard - Kansas City, Kansas
Sex Toy Story - Omaha, Nebraska
Skunk Chaser - Kansas City, Kansas
Spring Loaded Pussy - Omaha, Nebraska
Tank Stripper - Lincoln, Nebraska
T.E.D.
Tits In My Face - Lincoln, Nebraska
Blutarsky - Lincoln, Nebraska
Flashing Headlights -
Just Tyler - Lincoln, Nebraska
Tooth Fairy - Kansas City, Kansas
UPMS - Boise, Idaho
Urine Sodomy - Omaha, Nebraska
VH(1) - Shelley Mathews
Virgin Whisperer - Omaha, Nebraska
Walkie Talkie - Lincoln, Nebraska
Woody Wouldn't Pecker - Omaha, Nebraska
Just Brad - Sierra, Arizona
Big Trouble Little Vagina - Lincoln, Nebraska
Mini Moon Pie - Lincoln, Nebraska
Whack-A-Mole - Omaha, Nebraska
Just Mary - Omaha, Nebraska

Epilogue

On the way home, I wrote three more Down Down songs, and MGP decided spontaneously that we should go check the site of the campout the month prior, to see if we could find his lanyard with his whistle and bottle opener, both of which had sentimental value. We lucked out and found it! Huzzah!

More pictures and video can be found on my Flickr site, and are becoming available in dribs and drabs from other Red Dress attendees. Check http://www.nebraskahashing.com at some point in the future, and they will likely be linked from there.

P.S. I do not think that Drill Bitch is actually a pussy.

Hash Songs by BBOT

2009-09-27T13:50:00.010-05:00

I will be scribing the Red Dress Hash in more detail later as per the request of Bronzz Bunzz. For the moment I just wanted to get into print the three songs I composed on the drive back home from the event.

If you reprint any of my songs, please attribute to Bush Beer on Tap of the Omaha Hash House Harriers, and link back here. Thanks!

Your Mom
We joke about your mother
But she's really very nice!
The last time I was over,
She gave it to me twice!
I'm not proposing marriage,
I don't want to be your dad,
But I've tasted your mom's pie
And it's the best I ever had!

Elbow Song (for digitizing violations)
Hashers indicate direction
With a funny bone erection,
'Cause hashing is pointless!

You Fucker (for technology on trail violations, more or less to the tune of Camptown Ladies)
Put your fucking phone away,
You fucker!
You fucker!
Put your fucking phone away,
And drink another beer!
Your friends don't like you anyway,
You fucker!
You fucker!
Your friends don't like you anyway,
So have another beer!

...and of course, there's the Lewinsky song, which I wrote in July:

That's Lewinsky (to the tune of That's Amore)
When the press is obsessed with the mess on your dress,
That's Lewinsky.
When a man lights and puffs what he pulls from your muff,
That's Lewinsky.
When you open your gob, and the president's kno-ob
Goooooes innnnnnsky,
Then the world's gonna know that the intern's a ho,
That's Lewinsky!

The Monica Lewinsky Blue Dress Hash

2009-07-27T08:10:00.007-05:00

To celebrate Monica Lewinsky's birthday, the Lincoln Hash House Harriers had the annual Blue Dress Run. It was a pub crawl, and it was a blast. Bronzz Bunzz was the hare, so the trail was rife with backchecks. Flamboyatron peed into a sewer. Marvin GayPal was hit on by a toothless old drunk man as his toothless old drunk wife watched. An entire outdoor patio of a restaurant was serenaded with "Hot Vagina." A porn store clerk thought we were the strangest thing he'd ever seen in his store. You know, the usual.

Some pics:

More pics on my flickr page.

Also, I didn't write this in time for the hash, but I will be introducing it at my next opportunity:

That's Lewinsky (to the tune of That's Amore)

When the press is obsessed with the mess on your dress
That's Lewinsky
When a man lights and puffs what he pulls from your muff
That's Lewinsky
When you open your gob and the president's kno-ob
Gooooooeeess innnnn-ski
Then the world's gonna know that the intern's a ho
That's Lewinsky!

Hashers please note: I came up with some new name suggestions for Does This Mean It's Over's renaming, but I will save those to reveal at the actual event. If I am not able to attend the hash where the renaming is about to occur, I hope someone will call me for my suggestions, because I have a few really great ones.

In attendance at the Blue Dress Run were:
Flaboyatron
Tits Ahoy
Bronzz Bunzz (hare)
Once Over Easy
Marvin GayPal
Bush Beer on Tap
Does This Mean It's Over

Much Ado About Shiggy - post-trail thoughts

2009-06-20T23:05:00.003-05:00

The hash went really well and there were a handful of regulars, a visitor, and a virgin in attendance. I am actually pretty damned disappointed at the lack of attendance from work friends who seemed originally to be all gung-ho to show up in our support, but the loss was really theirs. The trail rocked!

Invitation to MGPs virgin hare

2009-06-15T12:05:00.006-05:00

You are invited to join
Bush Beer on Tap (Jess Bragg)
and
Marvin GayPal (Thomas Burbach)
for
"Mush Ado About Shiggy"
(MGP's haring debut)

Come hashing with BBOT and MGP! This is MGP's first time laying trail, and we want to have a record turnout. We promise that you'll have a blast!

There will indeed be shiggy on this trail, as well as a few other fun surprises! Bring insect repellent and sunscreen, and a dry change of clothes if you're a klutz.

When: Saturday, June 20, 2009 4:00 PM
Where: Elmwood Park - Parking lot by the ball fields at the Pacific and 67th street entrance
Cost: Free for virgins, $7 for repeat offenders

What's hashing? What's haring? See the F.A.Q.!

BBOT's Hash FAQ

2009-06-14T18:47:00.009-05:00

What is hashing?
Hashing is like a cross between a beer-drinking game, a treasure hunt, and a nature walk. The participants break down into the following roles: the Hares (the person or people laying the trail), and the Harriers and Harriettes (the rest of the group). The Harriers will chase and attempt to catch the Hares, following marks the Hares leave on their trail. Hidden on the trail are also caches of beer and other beverages, both to refresh and delay the pursuers. It's a mixture of athleticism and sociability, hedonism and hard work; and an amusing break from the daily routine.

Do I have to run?
Heck no! Run is a four-letter word! The Omaha and Lincoln chapters have very few runners. We tend more toward the sociability and hedonism than the athleticism and hard work, here in Nebraska.

So you guys smoke hash, then?
Nope. We're about beer. The term "hashing" is derived from the name of the club - The Hash House Harriers. The H3 was founded in 1938 when a group of British chartered accountants in Kuala Lumpur started this game of Hares and Hounds. They named their club after the place they were staying, which was known for its monotonous food. If they'd known how often this name would be questioned in the decades to come, maybe they'd have chosen a name with a simpler explanation.

What do I need in order to participate?
A valid ID proving that you are over 21, a little energy, and a willingness to abandon yourself to the ridiculous for a few hours. You'll also probably want to be wearing comfortable sneakers, maybe some sunscreen and insect repellent (seasonal), long socks or pants that cover your legs to protect you from the foliage that you might be tromping through, clothing you wouldn't mind getting dirty or wet, and you might possibly want to bring a change of clothing in case you want something fresh to wear when we hang out afterwards. You want to avoid wearing jeans or brand new shoes, as they are violations of the Hashing Traditions.

Waitasec. Hashing Traditions? Violations? What's that all about?
Well, I told you that it's like a drinking game. Games have rules, right? Well, we don't have rules, but we do have Traditions. They are, by and large, ridiculously silly. We do not point with our fingers. We call each other only by our hash names. We do not wear denim. We do not wear new shoes. Stuff like that.

So what are the penalties for these violations?
We taunt you and then we make you drink beer. We are heartless and cruel.

Does this cost any money?
If this is your first hash, it is free. If you have hashed before, a trail usually has a hash fee of $7 to pay for beer and such. When we do pub crawls, it's usually $10 because beer is more expensive in bars.

Where can I get additional information about hashing?
http://www.nebraskahashing.com
http://talesfromthetap.blogspot.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers
http://www.half-mind.com/

OH3 #349 - Back to the Stockyards/Cinco de Mayo Pub Crawl Hash

2009-05-03T02:00:00.007-05:00

This here’s a story ‘bout a man named Jed…

(No, wait a sec, that’s not right.)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

(Hmm, no, that isn’t it either.)

Okay, so picture it, Sicily, 1942…

(Oh, for the love of – )

It was crisp and gorgeous, and we were wearing denim.

(Ooh, much better.)

We congregated in the Stockyard Plaza, and awaited the hares who would lead us on a merry chase through Little Tijuana. Having been instructed to dress in cowboy/cowgirl attire and/or dress for Cinco de Mayo, the little touches to the participants’ costumes made all the difference. Does This Mean it’s Over was stylin’ in his tight jeans and cowboy shirt. Thanks for the Mammaries was authentic in her chola eyebrow pencil and lip liner and Mexican flag bandana. I wore blue eyeshadow and turquoise jewelry. Master Beater made sure to inform us all repeatedly that he was wearing a shirt that had the word “Taco” on it.

The hares arrived. Sex Toy Story was absent, but Finger Wave was there with the “surprise guest hare from Mexico”, who was in fact Once Over Easy dressed in fishnets, a tight red dress, and a matching mariachi jacket and sombrero. It was so over the top that it was somehow believable that she has been lying about her ethnicity all along.

The hares were blessed and sent on their way. Then Deep Frodo arrived with his virgin, No Name Genie, and we went over the chalk talk again for her benefit. When a sufficient amount of time had elapsed, we began our jaunt through the HyVee parking lot, pointing out blobs of flour to the virgin, who was already racking up the violations by talking on her cell phone. We travelled for many long days and nights until we reached Donohue’s, about a block away. A block away. Really. Also, it’s an Irish pub. What happened to the theme? Sheesh.

The group rapidly drank their beers and watched the air force hashers sit stock-still with mostly-full cups. I thought the air force taught you how to drink, but apparently it teaches you how to cuddle with a beer until it turns warm and all your friends grow impatient. Finally, they finished and we pushed on-on. Well, most of us did.

Over the next few blocks, we made a few discoveries. We discovered that Tits Ahoy’s whistle sounds like a lonely falcon. We discovered that the police are THICK in that part of town. We also discovered that we no longer had Thanks for the Mammaries or Master Beater with us. *sigh.* We decided to press on without them and hope they’d catch up.

We came to a Hash Halt/Photo Op in front of some metal statues of cattle. We, being typical hashers, violated the cattle in various ways for the benefit of photography. The cattle exacted their revenge by ripping the pocket of my favorite jeans. Bastard metal cattle. *grumble.*

We pressed on, and managed to get lost and miss a turn. We spent a good 15 minutes or so correcting for this mistake, but eventually found trail again. We arrived at a bar that appeared to be called “Bar”. Therein we found some really friendly folks who shared chicken and funnel cakes with us. They also gave us wise advice since we were next going to be venturing into the Cinco de Mayo street fair – “put your wallets up under your titties so no one can get to ‘em unless you let them!” We accepted this sage suggestion, but I did not see any wallet-booby placement. Luckily, we did not pay for our arrogant disregard for their wisdom, since no one’s wallet was stolen.

The next leg of the journey brought us within the street fair. There was another Hash Halt marking, with a scrambly line that was to represent a funnel cake. It was a very good likeness, but they should have dusted some flour over it to represent powdered sugar, I think. Anyway, some people bought duros, some got cotton candy, and I bought a funnel cake since they didn’t have them at the Renaissance Festival I attended earlier in the day (no funnel cakes at a Ren Faire? Seriously? That’s simply unacceptable. But, I digress.)

After our various treats were purchased, we got lost in the street fair, following what we thought were hash marks, but which turned out to be powdered sugar from the funnel cake vendors. Once VW calibrated with Finger Wave via forbidden technology, we found our way back on the right trail. We then travelled a long stretch of road, and through some soccer fields where we found and played with a child’s bouncy ball in the dark, and eventually came to the end of trail, where Finger Wave and Once Over Easy were waiting with jello shots and chips with salsa and queso on the other side of a border crossing that contained a package check and a boob check. The chips were especially well liked by many people, and were the subject of much discussion.

Eventually, Finger Wave brought me and VW and Spring-Loaded Pussy back to where our cars were parked. VW and Spring piled into the front seat together, while I was all alone in the back seat. This is due to the fact that Spring and VW are incapable of being more than 4 inches apart for more than 40 seconds, and I happened to get in the car first.

VW and Spring headed (who said head?) back to ferry people to their cars, and I got into my car and drove home to put lidocaine on my feet and change my shoes from the instruments of torture that I had been wearing. Then I met the group at Winchester’s. The timing was ideal, as I had just enough time to put in my karaoke selection before we were heading to the beer garden to circle up.

The circle was a blast. Thanks for the Mammaries and Master Beater rejoined us, and Mammaries paid with a Deadbug and then a Towering Deadbug. Some of the Winchester’s regulars joined the circle and decided that they want to come on a hash in the future. We celebrated May birthdays and were reminded that Outdoor Fucking Season is now open – no license required! Much beer was consumed, and many songs were sung. We ended with the women’s version of Swing Low, and most of the group stayed for karaoke. When I left at 12:30ish, the group was still a respectable size and fun was continuing to be had.

So folks, thus ends another hash trash. Pictures and videos will be uploaded to http://www.nebraskahashing.com when Woody and I can find time to coordinate, but until then they will be made available on my Flickr Hash Set.

In Attendance:
Once Over Easy – hare
Finger Wave – hare
Flamboyatron
Tits Ahoy
Deep Frodo
No Name Genie – virgin
Virgin Whisperer
Spring-Loaded Pussy
Bush Beer on Tap
Does This Mean it’s Over
Thanks for the Mammaries
Master Beater
Hot Semen-tuh
Kitty Litter (for the on-in)

More pictures and videos from this trail can be found in my Flickr Hash Set.

Hash catch-up

2009-04-22T14:17:00.006-05:00

So let's see. I co-hared in Lincoln for LNEH3 #192, which was a kilted hash

... and I attended OH3 #348, which was a going-away for some hashers

I also attended a slew of other hashes that it appears I haven't been cataloging here. Oopsie.

I'm still working on getting the pics up on the NebraskaHashing site, but technical difficulties are in the way.

In the meanwhile, pics and videos from the afore-mentioned hashes and many others can be found on my Flickr site.

Alas, I will not be able to make it for the Lincoln hash this weekend, as I will be out of town.

LNEH3 "Shiggy Everywhere" Hash #191 Recap

2009-03-29T01:32:00.004-05:00

I've been drafted to write another recap, folks. First I'm the only one with a camera so the only pics with me in them are ones I took at Myspace angles with too much of my nostrils showing, and then to top it off, I get roped into writing the recap. Oh! I almost forgot! I also got talked into co-haring the next Lincoln hash with Bunzz! Why do I want to check my pockets to see if my wallet's been lifted, too?

But that's ok! Bush Beer on Tap can handle this! The pics are uploaded to http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicabragg/sets/72157616058591330/detail/ and I'm still a little caffeinated, and I still remember most of what occurred!

The time was 4:00 PM. The car was Penguin Pucker's. The wind was cold. The lot was relatively empty. The visitors were alone.

But eventually, people began to show up. Once Over Easy walked over from WalMart (we know what you're doooooooooing!) and Lager Head pulled up, and soon afterward we were joined by Chap Dick and Bunzz and Pi. We had a little beer and determined we were to be the whole group, so we began chalk talk. We realized that there were no virgins, so Once Over Easy cut the talk short and started to sprint away. Someone pointed out that she hadn't been blessed, so she ran back for a quick blessing. Of course, it was Lost in Pi giving the blessing, so it was still a tad bit lengthy.

After we finished what we could of our beers (and good beers they were!) and ate a few handfuls of Skittles (no one made skittlebrau, though this reporter admits that she did indeed consider it), the pack craniumed out in the direction we imagined to be correct. It turned out to be one of the few times we would find trail so easily. The trail zig-zagged up and down the same hill, over and under the same barbed wire fence (which bit me, damnit - thank the gods I am up to date on my tetanus shots) several times, and brought us to the first Beer Near. We consumed some alcohol, and ranged out to find the trail. Well, to try to find the trail. What did we actually find? No fewer than three YBFs. Our hare clearly has a mean streak.

Finally, Bunzz found trail, and several people observed a large, long, black tubular object in the distance, which appeared to be ribbed - possibly for her pleasure, but who knows? I would not want to meet the "her" that could have been pleased by something that large. A couple of hashers noted that it was probably a good place for a Beer Near, while I was noticing the fact that we were in the middle of what would have been a sea of mud had the weather been snowy and rainy as was forecasted earlier in the week. Truly, I thought, Once Over Easy has more malice than can be accounted for by her tiny, tiny size. When we reached the big tube thing, we saw that it was not a Bear Near, but it was indeed a Shot Stop. Everyone had a couple of Jell-O shots and we resumed our course. Or rather, we resumed running into YBFs, both marked and unmarked. Eventually, Bunzz found some itty bitty little OOE-sized footprints and we found trail.

On and on we went, through more of what would have been soul- and sole-sucking mud had the weather been as predicted, until we came to a pile of rocks and the last Beer Stop. We drank and sat and chatted, and eventually went on again.

We walked through some more would-be mud, and Chap Dick was asked for probably the 4th or 5th time what the crop had been. For the record, to prevent any further requests for this information, it was soy beans, probably planted late because the planters needed to put something in the ground for cover and didn't care what because they knew they wouldn't be likely to harvest it, and the plants only got to be about calf-high instead of hip- or waist-high the way they could have if someone cared for them. This was the information I heard Chap Dick patiently tell at least 4 people. Seriously, guys.

And here's where it gets truly surreal, folks. Guess who was doing the pathfinding for much of the trail. No really, guess. It was Lost in Pi. I'm serious. He found trail no fewer than 3 or 4 times, and didn't get separated from the group even once. You should have heard him chirping away on his whistle! He was so proud of his discoveries, like a child who's just discovered nose-picking!

So once more we crossed the damned barbed wire, and re-entered the parking lot where we started, and Once Over Easy was standing there with the beer from the first stop, ready to do the circle. Since Bunzz forgot to leave her the car keys, she was cold. Of course, after all the YBFs she left, there was very little sympathy for her.

The circle was run and the violations doled out. The visitors treated the Lincolnites to a drunken rendition of a song from the musical they had listened to in the car on the way to the hash (it was the Bad Horse Chorus from Dr. Horrible, in case anyone's curious.) We were reminded that April 23 is Penguin Pucker's birthday. Once Over Easy wore headgear in the circle. There were no canoodling violations, as No Name Thomas was unfortunately unable to join me for this hash.

After the circle was closed, we went to Buster's for some post-hash sustenance. We consumed large quantities of pizza and ribs, and stayed around for some karaoke. Penguin Pucker and Lost in Pi treated the bar to Amazing Grace, and Lager Head and myself each sang a few songs. The last song we stayed for was Sweet Caroline, since Once Over Easy said we were not permitted to leave until we sang it.

Goodbyes were said and hugs were exchanged, and this reporter craniumed back to Omaha with Penguin Pucker. We listened to the Natalie Portman Rap on the way back, and I am pretty sure I snorted while I laughed. I have nothing else to report, except that I had a wonderful, wonderful time!

OH3 #328 - Voted Off the Island Hash

2008-08-03T14:48:00.013-05:00

Hold the Meat (Hash Flash) and Flamboyatron (Hash Scribe) were both in attendance, so there will be an official write up at this link, here. However, I did take a few pictures, and this particular Hash was a milestone event for me, so I am certainly blogging about it! Moreover, because this is not an official Hash Trash, I don't have to be snarky and sarcastic and witty, and can say what I really feel. Of course, what I really feel is generally snarky and sarcastic and witty, so we'll see how that goes. Yay!

This was my Virgin Hare. I co-hared with Penguin Pucker and Deep Frodo, and they were really great teammates. They were supportive and cooperative and easygoing and are both altogether awesome people that I am really glad to have as friends.

The co-founders of the Omaha chapter (Forrest Gimp and On Her Knees) showed up after a long hiatus, and without warning. This was extremely intimidating for me because it was my first time haring, but it was also a great honor. It was a good thing they were on hand to run the circle at the end, since almost all of the officers were indisposed for one reason or another by that time.

There was a naming - No Name Amber became Package Checker. She likes her name, even if a little less than half of the voting-eligible attendees hated it. I think it suits her just fine.

There was a named hasher in attendance who was completely true to her name when, without having ever been introduced to me before or conversing with me, and upon hearing that I was named on my first hash, she pointedly told her virgin right in front of me that "real hashers" get named on their sixth hash. I guess, then, I am not actually a "hasher through and through," regardless of what the song states - a song, incidentally, that we ended up singing 6 or 7 times in the circle since there were kids in the area and we were hard-pressed to think up PG songs to sing! We really need to beef up our song repertoire.

I want to apologize to the hash for not having more water in the bags. I actually added more than is usually in the bags, but apparently not enough to meet the need. As for the rest of the gripes... well, I received feedback that the trail was too long, that the trail could have been tougher (granted that was just a comment from the founders about the length of our trails compared to the trails in other hashes and it was a comment made before the hash began), that the trail was too shiggified, and that the trail was too pavement. I am just going to accept that I can't please all of the people all of the time, and call the experience a relative success. I did manage to stay under budget, and I consider that to be a major win and a testament to my Wonder Jew powers.

However, something that is not a win is the fact that I got pretty badly sunburned. I know that my sunburn is nothing compared to the ones most of the rest of the hashers get regularly, but I have always been really careful about sun exposure due to having had cancer and having gone through chemo. I did not use sunscreen yesterday though I brought it for everyone, and I recognize that I am a dumbass for that. I deserve all the discomfort, and the weird appearance of the tan line that shows with most of the clothing that I wear. Here's hoping that I don't suffer the lesson of melanoma as well.

Anyway, without further ado, I will give you the pics I snapped. Remember also that you can view the ones that Hold the Meat and other hashers have supplied when they are posted to http://members.cox.net/nebraskahash/oh3/oh3hashtrash.html, and you can view pics and videos I have taken from other hashes I've attended at http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicabragg/collections/72157605756416849/.
__________________________________________

Me and Forrest Gimp and On Her Knees (the co-founders of the Omaha Hash).

__________________________________________

Penguin Pucker (one of my co-hares).

__________________________________________

Deep Frodo (the other co-hare). He had to log in at work because he was on call. I think he decided that if he were going to be busted for technology on trail, he might as well go all out.

__________________________________________

The group is enjoying the A/C on a hot day.

__________________________________________

It wasn't exactly a theme hash, but I appreciate Thanks for the Mammaries' spirit in dressing in a tropical shirt.

__________________________________________

Our Hash Cash also seems to have gotten into the spirit. She done gone went and got lei'd.

__________________________________________

I think I interrupted the reunion between Flambo and Hold the Meat.

__________________________________________

Mammaries seems to have itchy feet and a desire to get moving.

__________________________________________

OH3 #327

2008-07-31T18:05:00.008-05:00

Again, I am late with my write-up. I suck. I'll do a down-down for it or something.

#327 was Tico's Birthday Hash, and Dental DAMN!!'s naming hash (she was formerly No Name Amy), and I was only there from the circle on. I got some pics and videos, and they are all here. I don't have anything thoroughly brilliant to say (except wearing black jeans and a black linen shirt on a fucking hot day is a dumb idea), so I will just settle for linking you to the pics and videos.

News items:

1. I am haring this Saturday's hash. It will be my first hare. I am very excited. Check the calendar at http://www.nebraskahashing.com for details. I hope to see you there!

2. Flamboyatron is back! I will turn the trash-writing duties back over to him, and only fill in as needed if he is unavailable and asks me to do so. He'll be snarkier and funnier than I am anyway.

I still intend to take some pics and maybe write a few words every now and then, so check back if you're interested!

OH3 #326 - Red, White, and Blue Hash

2008-07-17T17:08:00.006-05:00

Yeah, this is a little overdue. Sorry 'bout that.

We were asked to wear some combination of red, white and blue. Spring-loaded went all out with her outfit on a very hot day.

We chilled in the shade on the patio of the apartment beneath VW's. No name Jeff insisted that the apartment belonged to a close friend of his and that it would be okay. Who were we to argue?

It came time for the hashers to form up for the circle.

The group was composed largely of virgins...

Who were very soon singled out.

VW gave us the Chalk Talk. This would have been especially handy for the virgins if there had actually been a check at the start.

The hares were blessed and sent on their way.

Supergirl has the power of Juggling. Not only of many objects (as pictured below), but also of activities! She had to cut out early to go see her folks.

After the trail, and the circle, and the violations, and the viewing of Beerfest in the Thomasville movie theater, and the crock pot hot dogs, and the popcorn, and the smoking in non-smoking areas, and the spillage of beer, and Amber grabbing everyone's crotch and/or breasts in the swimming pool... those who remained enjoyed some beers and acoustic guitar playing on VW's balcony. It was a lovely night.

Urine Sodomy had a great time, as you can see below.

Bloodsucker Hash

2008-06-22T12:58:00.010-05:00

I am covered in mosquito bites. I propose a renaming for yesterday's hash. I'm torn between "OH3 #325 Malaria Hash" and "OH3 #325 West Nile Hash". Here's a pic of just one affected area:

Meh, I'll live. I'll be itchy as fuck, but I'll live.

OH3 #325 Wedding Crash Hash Recap

2008-06-22T01:11:00.015-05:00

The attendance was low due to the fact that so many hashers were attending the wedding of Path Defiler and Blowfish. So, of course, we crashed the wedding. Also, because so few of us were actually on trail, we did a "dead hare" and VW and Spring Loaded Pussy actually walked the trail with us.

Since they really "phoned in" their haring duties, I advised that my Hash Trash will be similarly low-effort.

I give you the OH3 #325 Wedding Crash Hash Recap, in haiku form:

Mosquitos bit us
The only thing that bit worse
Was the fucking trail

I'll be completely honest, though. Despite nearly losing my sneakers to a swamp, getting caught in the rain, being chewed on by mosquitos, and feeling completely out of place at the wedding reception of two people I have only met once before, I had a really great time.

Anyway, here are a number of pictures I took... and below is a video of Frodo and his daughters singing karaoke.

Attendees:

VW (hare)
Spring Loaded Pussy (hare)
Tico Taz
No Name Amy
Penguin Pucker
Hand Tossed (5 year-lapsed hasher returned from the grave!)
Bush Beer on Tap

Attendance list LNE H3 #171

2008-06-16T10:33:00.003-05:00

Courtesy of Once Over Easy, the list of attendees:

Balldozer (visitor)
Bronzz Bunzz (FRB)
Bush Beer On Tap (visitor)
Chap Dick
E=MC2
Lost in Pi (Co-Hare)
Mini Moon Pi (Backslider)
Moutha Stewar (Hare)
No Name Sam
Once Over Easy
Pondscum
Pussy Control (formerly known as Cock Controller)
Urine Sodomy (visitor)
Weekend Hooker (LNE backslider)
Whack a Mole (showed up at on-after)

LNE H3 #171 Birthday Blast

2008-06-16T00:00:00.007-05:00

Somehow, I allowed myself to get roped into writing another Hash Trash. I toyed with the idea of making the story entirely fictional, but my journalistic integrity would not allow me to do so. Therefore, I will give my journalistic integrity a few shots and maybe a roofie, and see if this gets at least a little bit interesting by the end.

It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in Lincoln, Nebraska. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the temperature was warm but not unpleasant. As hashers began arriving, so too was the area graced repeatedly by the presence of an actual rabbit.

This hash was held in honor of a number of birthdays in the same week or so. The hares for this event were two of the birthday honorees, Moutha Stewart and Lost in Pi.

Attendees lined up to pay Weekend Hooker, who used the advanced accounting method of writing their names on a sheet of notebook paper. A couple of people were able to convince the Interim Hash Cash that they were already paid up, and perhaps even were owed money by the books. It is unknown whether this was legitimate paperless accounting, or a really slick maneuver that should be attempted by this reporter on later occasions.

After a bit of meet and greet...

Lost in Pi began the Chalk Talk. Pi's markings ended up being upside-down from the perspective of those standing in the shady area (everyone), which was somehow entirely appropriate since Lost in Pi was indeed the one explaining the marks. The group members adjusted and mentally prepared themselves to follow a trail in search of the last mark, which would be the "NINO."

After Chalk Talk, the hares were blessed and sent on their way.

The hares split in different directions right in front of the group.

After a strange bit of trail with markings that made no sense (a YBF where the true trail could be found several yards beyond?) and a couple of purchases from an ice cream truck by Once Over Easy and Bush Beer on Tap, the pack picked up the scent. Finally, they found the first beer check.

The group traveled on, through some bushes, into a residential area where Pussy Control (formerly known as Cock Controller) shut off someone's hose that had clearly been running for entirely too long, and along some train tracks and down a path that was flooded (on which there was at one time a sign stating that the path was closed - a sign which mysteriously made its way to the On In later that day, in fact). The trail went past a mysterious brick building, the purpose of which was the subject of a great deal of conjecture. There was then a Scenic View, which turned out mainly to be a view of Pussy Control's nipples...

...which were "Special Touched" by a number of female hashers.

The pack continued on, somehow missing an entire beer check somewhere along the way. It wasn't that big a deal, except apparently for Mini Moon Pi, who was dismayed to find that there was no dumping allowed at the third beer check.

The hares were sort-of-snared when they arrived at the third beer check while the pack was still there and everyone touched them. It didn't really much matter however, since they seemed to expect everyone to Zen back to Moutha Stewart's place from that beer check anyway - or at least that was the impression given by the lack of marks between there and the On In. However, on the Zen trip back, territory was re-covered from earlier in the trail, and it was noted by many that marks that hadn't been there previously but would have helped immensely had appeared in the interim.

Once the group returned, the circle was called together and there were violations and announcements. The Dead Bug that Pi and Moutha SHOULD have endured somehow never happened, but that may have been because people were distracted by other events, like birthdays and a renaming.

Once Over Easy led the group in the making of a cake for the birthday celebrants. She liberally sprinkled them with Funfetti cake mix...

...added oil...

...and water...

...and an egg...

...and candles. However, much to the disappointment of some, no one got baked.

Since Mini Moon Pi couldn't take a dump on trail, he decided to pee in the driveway.*

The group collaborated on the choosing of a new name for Cock Controller. After a very long question and answer period, several names were suggested and discarded, and the group nearly unanimously decided that Pussy Control would be the new name. Since PC was being "reborn", Funfetti cake mix was used in place of flour for the renaming ceremony.

After the circle was over, there was a very tasty barbecue meal, a cake with a foot made out of icing on it, and lots of beer and camaraderie. Bronzz Bunzz made some haberdashery sales and Whack-A-Mole (another birthday boy) showed up with some excuse for missing the hash about "delivering a kennel" (euphemism, certainly), and stuck around for the rest of the evening. Folks stayed late into the night chatting about this and that, and Bush Beer on Tap was conned into writing the Hash Trash. Then some folks adjourned to Bronzz Bunzz and Pi's place for some hot tubbin', where Bunzz sold a few more articles of clothing to those wishing to have dry clothes to change back into, which is a very brilliant sales tactic.

In this reporter's opinion, the hash was an incredible success. The only regrettable part was that there were no virgins to experience the awesome vibes and fun times.

Well done, hares! Happy birthday to Moutha Stewart, Lost in Pi, Urine Sodomy, and Whack-A-Mole. Happy renaming to Pussy Control.

* Mini Moon Pi did not actually urinate on the driveway.

My first hash trash

2008-06-15T23:51:00.001-05:00

I've recently begun participating in an awesome activity on weekends. The club is called the Hash House Harriers, otherwise known as a drinking club with a running problem. A pretty decent explanation can be found here, and the site for my specific chapter (or kennel) is found here.

Here's a reposting of my first hash writeup, which was for my third hash:

Recap: Omaha Hash #323 - First Burn Hash

I'd already begun writing this when Urine Sodomy piped up and said he'd take over for Flamboyatron, but Urine was nice enough to let me write this recap since I'd already started, for which I am grateful. Y'know how it is... when someone else comes before I reach completion that's okay, as long as I get to finish too.

The day was bright and hot as we trickled into Buffalo Wild Wings. The mood was good and everyone was happy to see Hand Solo, back from the dead. Our group grew to an intimidating size - so intimidating, in fact, that the waitresses apparently were too scared to take orders, serve beers, and collect tips!

Eventually, everyone was gathered up by Cock Controller, who brought the pack out behind the BW3 and explained the marks he seemed to think he had used. He also gave the group his phone number before he sprinted off. The crowd was then entertained by Tico Taz singing a very amusing song about the days of the week and fisting. Then people wandered off for a few minutes, probably to find the men's room of every nearby establishment so that CC's number could be shared. Bronze Bunz awarded Hand Solo the Bra of Backsliding, which he manfully(?) donned.

After a short trip under a bridge and along a bike path, we reached a beer check, where Triple P caught up with us and Tico Taz fell into a hole (and didn't even get her name). Then we continued along the bike path until we saw Hand Solo doubling back along a street on the other side of a field. Being the lazy bastards we are, we gleefully cut across. The trail then meandered through a residential neighborhood where VW did some networking with the locals and gave out some of his hash cards, and Urine Sodomy got wood that lasted throughout the rest of the hash (if it lasts more than four hours, please call a doctor). We made it to a photo check we hadn't been warned we'd find, where VW promptly dropped someone's camera. Once the photos had been taken, we went on-on and were very fucking careful of thorns, as warned. Lost in Pi taught Thanks for the Mammaries a song to help her remember the digits of Pi, which is a good thing because now she knows that Pi begins with a 3. There was another beer check in some tall grass, but I was more like BUSHED Beer on Tap (AM I RITE LOL) and I decided to brave the possibility of insect bites and collapsed onto the ground. After many people helpfully offered a wide range of medical advice, we finished our beverages and then pushed through to look for the continuation of the trail.

After a while of not finding the trail, Bronze Bunz told me to go ahead and call Cock Controller, which I did. He said "go right", which I did. By the time I found the general area based on this detailed set of instructions, the pack was already picking up the marks on their own, which is a damned good thing because I wasn't very confident in the validity of "go right", anyway. Some of us climbed a gate, for which we received much ribbing from the folks who walked through the huge gap (still didn't get her name) that was two fence segments away from the gate we climbed. We then walked along a ridge until we came to the Turkey-Eagle split. All but a few folks decided to go for the Eagle. At the last minute, No Name Samantha and friends decided to switch to the Turkey, and did so by running down a steep hill. (Well - running down most of it... Sam decided that the last several feet might be more fun to traverse on her head.) Where the Turkey and Eagle met up, there was a Hash Halt. When the Eaglegoers finally caught up with the Turkeygoers, the pack progressed through some trees where it looked for a moment like the beer might have been stolen.

Finally we happened upon the beer at the final beer check. There was a declaration of necrophilia (from Hot Sement), and some spilling of alcohol (by Tico Taz?), and a hare was snared (though this hare was much cuter than Cock Controller, and was released back into the wild, where it was probably eaten by its mother for smelling like humans). We continued out of the wooded area and back out onto the street, where there was a K9 police car sitting on the street. Several hashers had some strangely paranoid reactions at seeing this. Hand Solo and No Name Nicki ranged out in different directions to find the trail, and the rest of the pack seemed satisfied to chill out at the corner and relax. No Name Nicki was the one who chose wisely, and the rest of us followed her up a hill and then down onto a pleasant little walking path that no one knew about. On this path, Tico Taz answered his phone to give people directions to where he believed the on-in would be, and I texted Cock Controller who had texted me because he was getting bored while waiting for us to show up. (We both drank for it later, of course.)

We then meandered through some more residential area, and into an apartment complex. A true trail arrow pointed people into a garage on one of the apartments, through which we walked to find the on-in and barbecue on the lawn on the other side. The apartment, unbeknownst to the hashers, belonged to Bush Beer on Tap (yours truly, this reporter) whose husband was there with Cock Controller, serving up grilled brats, barbecue wings, chips, and all manner of beverages.

After a short while, Urine Sodomy rounded everyone up for the circle. Violations were called, songs were sung, beers were consumed, and virgins were deflowered. Halfway through, we were joined by Hold the Meat, No Name Amber, and Deep Frodo, who brought his little hobbitlings with him. After the circle was dispersed, the hobbitlings expended copious amounts of youthful energy by running around and performing somersaults. Soon they were joined by Thanks for the Mammaries and No Name Vinie, who decided to have a drunken somersault race across the lawn, much to everyone's amusement. No Name Samantha and No Name Tasha were wrestling on the lawn as dusk began to fall.

I finally began encouraging people's departure, and people left to go attempt to find the on-after at Tico Taz's place, where I hear they finally arrived and watched some Carlos Mencia and drank some more alcohol.

In attendance were:
Cock Controller (hare)
Urine Sodomy
Penguin Pucker
Hand Solo
Tico Taz
Triple P
Bronze Bunz
Lost in Pi
Virgin Whisperer
Spring-loaded Pussy
Whack-A-Mole
Hot Sement
Bush Beer on Tap
Thanks for the Mammaries
No Name Anna
No Name Samantha
No Name Nicki
No Name Vinie (virgin)
No Name Tasha (virgin)
Hold the Meat (just for on-in)
No Name Amber (just for on-in)
Deep Frodo (just for on-in)
Frodo's hobbitlings (just for on-in)
Bush Beer on Tap's husband, Mike (whose patience and devotion are without bounds)

If I missed anyone or misspelled anyone's name, I apologize profusely. You may spank me for it at a later time. Email me for an appointment.

Love,
Bush Beer on Tap

(Originally posted on my other blog, 6/2/08)